Higher Standards Empowered Choices

Head, Heart, and Gut Alignment in Dating & Relationship Decisions

You might think that head, heart, and gut alignment sounds like a fluffy, meaningless, “woo woo” phrase, but there’s a growing body of research around using your head (analytics/logic), heart (emotions), and gut (intuition) to make sound, valid decisions.

Think back to former relationships that didn’t work out… (if you’d like to… no pressure).

More likely than not, at least one of these areas were misaligned for you, your partner, or both.

I’ll break it down:

Head, Heart, and Gut Alignment in Relationships: How to Know It’s Off

Have you ever fallen madly in love with someone, even though you knew they weren’t a good match and things felt off most of the time?

You were likely following your heart – but neglecting your head and your gut.

Or have you kept things going with someone because they “check off all your boxes” and are perfect on paper, but you weren’t genuinely emotionally connected with them, and you felt it wasn’t quite right? 

You were likely using your head – but ignoring your gut and your heart.

Or perhaps you jumped into a relationship because it seemed right at the time, but it never really made sense to you, and you never felt that true passion.

You might’ve tried going with your gut – while forgoing the role of your head and heart.

Head, Heart, and Gut Alignment is Required for High Standard Relationships

I’ve come to realize that the best relationships come about when the head, heart, and gut are aligned for both parties.

When you have genuine admiration and a passionate desire to be with someone (your heart), can’t resist the reality of your true feelings (your gut), and know that this person is great match for your personality and values (your head).

In other words, your heart tells you who you’re falling for, your head tells you who you “should” be with (according to your authentic desires and standards, not society’s), and your gut tells you the ultimate truth – whether you like it or not. 

Prioritizing Head, Heart, and Gut Alignment Helps Sustain Relationships Overtime

head heart gut alignment
Photo by Wendy Hero

Additionally, the best relationships strive to maintain this alignment overtime.

That way, if someone knows they aren’t getting what they need (head), not feeling as passionate as they used to feel (heart), or just senses something is “off” (gut), they can dig deeper and work to close the gap and find alignment once again.

Or, of course, they can choose to leave if this alignment is no longer possible. 

What Head, Heart, and Gut Alignment Means for You

Finding alignment between your heart, heart, and gut will look different for you than for everyone else.

Our emotions and intuition have different qualities, conditioning, attachments, preferences, and other external and internal factors that vary from person to person.

While reading a book or watching a seminar is a great start, getting human-to-human support can be invaluable when working on finding deeper alignment.

A third-party can help you uncover those external and internal factors specific to you that might be getting in the way of feeling aligned, and help you consciously choose how to proceed in order to find alignment once again.

A good, trustworthy friend can support you in finding alignment for a few decisions.

But if you’re feeling misaligned and directionless regarding an entire area – say, your career, your physical fitness, or your relationships – getting a career, fitness, or relationship coach is ideal.

They’ll provide objective, experienced perspective and tools to help you feel realigned in your decision-making for that particular area.

As someone who has had multiple coaches and is now a relationship and dating coach myself, I’ve experienced and seen firsthand the power of bringing misaligned roadblocks to the light, addressing them head-on, and creating powerful action steps to move forward with more clarity and confidence.

If the idea of cultivating head, heart, and gut alignment sounds appealing to you, but you have further questions about it (trust me, I understand, it was strange to me at first, too!), please don’t hesitate to shoot me an email or schedule a chat.

I’d be happy to help.

All the love,


Did this resonate with you? Follow me on Instagram for more tips or apply for a free coaching session to talk through your unique situation.

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