Being in love is great, isn’t it? You get to talk to your lover about hopes, dreams, sex, fantasies, goals, desires, and all sorts of wonderful things.
But oh yeah – you also have to talk about money.
If you’ve made the move of combining your finances with your partner one way or another – congrats! That’s a big step, and an important sign of commitment.
But as you may guess, financial issues are a widely claimed cause for divorce. My hope is that these ten questions will help you continue sharing money in a way that promotes the benefits – collaboration, trust, closeness, commitment, ease of tracking, mutual goal-setting, etc. – with none of the potential costs.
This article is a part of a 3-part series on Money Questions, for each stage of the relationship. Click to read about questions to ask Early in the Relationship and Before Combining Finances as well. Of course, as with all of our “questions to ask your partner articles”, be willing and prepared to answer these questions for yourself as well!
So let’s get down to it. Here are 10 questions to ask your partner when you are currently sharing money:
1. How have your financial goals changed since we started sharing money?
This broad question is a good way to kick things off in a discussion about your combined finances. Sharing money often means sharing priorities, sharing budgets, sharing bills, and sharing short-term and long-term goals.
If you are sharing all of this about your life together, and plan on continuing to make financial decisions together in the future, it’s always a good idea to make sure you know your partner’s updated financial goals and they know yours.
2. What do you like about my money habits?
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3. What do you wish would change about my money habits?
You’ve presumably been together for quite a while now, given that you’re sharing money, so we can skip the small talk, right? Right.
Get into the meat of the discussion right away and talk about what each of you likes and dislikes about the way you are currently budgeting, spending, and saving money.
4. What do you like about your money habits?
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5. What do you wish to change about your money habits?
Once you have discussed your own habits and been honest about your own financial behavior, you can move on to discussing the other persons’ financial behaviors, and hear what they think of yours.
These two questions are crucial for getting a better (or more updated) understanding about the way your partner sees money similarly or differently than you do, and prevent financial conflict in the future.
6. Can we discuss (or re-discuss) our short-term financial goals?
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7. Can we discuss (or re-discuss) our long-term financial goals?
Now that you’re updated on each other’s habits, and have hopefully come to agreement on what sort of habits are appropriate or in need of change for your relationship, you can discuss what those habits mean in the greater context of your short- and long-term goals.
Note: some couples may prefer to discuss their short- and long-term goals before discussing what they like and dislike about each other’s habits, because they may dislike certain habits solely because they do not align with the goals they have in mind for the future.
8. Do you think we are saving enough money each month?
This question should definitely come after the short- and long-term goals questions, because it’s all about turning dreams into realities.
Maybe you’re saving enough for a rainy day fund, but now that you know you want to go on a couples trip next year, you know you need to save a little more.
Alternatively, you may decide that you have been saving more than enough, but not prioritizing current experiences within your relationship, so you’ll decrease how much you’re saving each month and put that extra money into a weekly date night budget!
Whatever the case, you need to figure out if your monthly savings are aligned with the goals you just discussed.
9. Do we need to create or readjust our budgeted items?
This is another question that is best discussed after the short-term and long-term goals conversation.
For example, if you both agree that a long-term goal is being able to buy a house in 3 years, you’ve decided from the last question that you’re saving a good amount of money each month for your short-term goals, and you have no plans of making more money than you already are, you’ll likely have to reallocate money from one area of your current budgeted items (say, “clothes and accessories”) to a new budgeted item (say, “house savings”).
10. Should we reconsider changing the way we are currently sharing money?
There’s a lot of information that could potentially be revealed from all of the questions in this article, and it may be a little overwhelming at first.
However, remember that you and your partner have the power to change your circumstances in any way that works best for both of you, even if it means going back on an arrangement you previously agreed upon (and thought would work for you).
You may decide that your spending and saving habits aren’t that compatible, and the main benefit of sharing money was simply paying for shared expenses; thus, you could decide that sharing all of your money isn’t the best idea, as opposed to both of you contributing to a shared account.
You may decide that it doesn’t make sense to share everything 50/50, when one partner is making all the money and the other partner is contributing to the household and the relationship in non-monetary ways.
You may discover that a shared credit card, a shared checking account, or a shared investment account is what you need; or is a really bad idea for now.
Again, there is no right answer – it all depends on the couple. Our hope is that these questions will allow you to discuss these money matters in more depth and detail, so that the answers will come more naturally to you and your partner.
The goal here is to communicate as openly and specifically as you can, so that you can work on a plan that helps you avoid financial misunderstandings and fights in the future.
I hope this article has been helpful! If you have another question to add, or thoughts / suggestions for the questions I’ve listed, please comment below!
Did this resonate with you? Follow me on Instagram for more tips or apply for a free coaching session to talk through your unique situation.
Loving the old; exploring the new,
Imani
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[…] different relationship stages. Click to read about questions to ask Before Combining Finances and After You’ve Combined Finances. Of course, as with all of our “questions to ask your partner articles”, be willing and […]