The 12 Worst Dating Questions from Netflix’s Sneaky Links (and What You Should Be Asking Instead)

If you’ve been watching, bored-watching, ironically-watching, or hate-watching (or, like me, “research-watching”) Netflix’s new social experiment, Sneaky Links: Dating After Dark, you know it’s full of juicy moments, questionable choices, dating questions, and emotional chaos that makes you tilt her head in deep concern – like most dating reality TV shows, to be fair.

But on this one, the daters all share something in common: they are used to having plenty of sneaky links (a.k.a casual, late-night, private hookups) and are now looking for the opposite: something serious.

Given this premise, I was curious to see what sort of dating questions these contestants would ask each other – and even themselves. The dating expert Spicy Mari was guiding the show, and she prompted them to ask some great questions in some of the challenges – you can check out those and more of the 20 best dating questions from Sneaky Links here.

But it’s also important to know what sort of ineffective questions these singles are asking – some questions to their dates and others questions to themselves.

Because while it’s easy to judge from your couch (glass of wine in hand, obviously), the truth is… some of us have asked these same questions IRL.

So, I’m going to break down 12 of the worst questions from Sneaky Links and what to ask instead if you actually want clarity, connection, and confidence in your dating life (without the reality-TV drama).

And if you want more revealing, no-BS questions to ask before, during, and after a first date, check out my free guide: “25 Subtle Yet Revealing Questions to Weed Out the F-Boys.“

1.“You wouldn’t blindside me?”… right?

Who Asked It: Angelique to Colt

Why It’s Bad:
This is what I call a comfort trap question, perfect for temporary reassurance, and that’s about it. And even that “reassurance” is fake and fragile. Because let’s be real: No one’s ever going to say “Yeah, I’ll definitely blindside you.”

And yet… he did.

Instead of creating safety, it creates false certainty. Instead of opening up a conversation about values, patterns, and accountability, it allows the answerer to avoid those points entirely. So, there’s really no deep assessment of truth or honesty that you can gather from asking this question.

What To Ask Instead:

• “If you were to feel a connection with someone else, how would you handle that?”

This open-ended question would allow you to see what steps the person would take to process their emotions and communicate them to you. An additional benefit is setting the precedent that you will want them to approach that situation with care. Colt might’ve still done exactly what he did, but how he answered that question might’ve served as another red flag if he didn’t answer it in a way that aligned with what Angelique would hope to hear.

Ultimately, this revised question gives space for someone to reveal their values, conflict style, and emotional maturity (or lack thereof).

2. “You said stability, you said success. You want someone that’s successful? … Why can’t you just sit here and have a real conversation for five f*ck¡ng minutes?”

Who Asked It: Logan to Nicole V.

Why It’s Bad:

Oof. This was less of a question and more of an emotional drive-by. Logan went from (seemingly) genuine inquiry to interrogation to accusation in less time than it took for me to adjust my pillow, so I can only imagine how that felt for Nicole. There’s no real curiosity here; it’s just projection, defensiveness, and a big ol’ wounded ego. I’m sure he’s great, but this wasn’t it.

What To Ask Instead:

• “What does stability look like to you?”
• “How do you define success in a relationship?”

Even if they do want someone with a fancy car, you simply can’t force or guilt-trip someone into being compatible with you.

3. “Why is it not me?”

Who Asked It: Angelique to herself (and the camera)

Context: She’s trying to understand why Travis hasn’t “picked her” when she sees him leaving with other girls.

Why It’s Bad:

This one’s a punch to the gut. It sounds vulnerable, but it’s actually disempowering. “Why is it not me?” turns someone else’s choices into a referendum on your worth. It centers rejection as a sign that you’re lacking instead of recognizing that not every connection is mutual or even makes sense to continue.

What To Ask Instead:

• “What wasn’t aligned here?”
• “What will I take away from this connection? What are the things I liked and the things I won’t entertain again?”

Translation: Start asking for insight, not validation of your worth.

4. “So, do you want to close the door romantically with us?”

Who Asked It: Angelique to Colt

Why It’s Bad:
Angelique, babe… why are you outsourcing your power to someone who has repeatedly disrespected you? She’s upset about his hypocrisy right before asking this, and there is a clip of her talking about how hypocritical he is being:

“Colt is telling me that my behavior is not acceptable. But then he goes and does something similar, like making out with Kelsey after we spent every day in here.”

So why hand him the final say?

Why is she abandoning self-trust and her own standards to hold onto a crumbling connection?

Why is she asking him – and leaving the decision up to him – instead of deciding for herself? 

Well, we don’t know her, so we can’t answer any of those questions. But if you find yourself in a similar situation, here’s what to ask yourself instead:

What To Ask (Yourself) Instead:

• “Do I want to keep engaging with someone who doesn’t match my values?”
• “Does this dynamic reflect the kind of relationship I actually want?”

5. “Did y’all hook up?”

Who Asked It: Kelsey to Colt

Why It’s Bad:
Simply put, it’s vague.

It invites half-truths.

And when Colt gives a half-answer (something like ‘I did some things, didn’t do other things…’), Kelsey doesn’t push for clarity — presumably because she doesn’t want to ruin the mood (“yea, kind of (that she feels better) We don’t have to talk anymore about it”).

But pretending to be okay with ambiguity only breeds icky feelings and potentially some resentment later, which is exactly what happened.

What To Ask Instead:

• “ I want to know for my own clarity and assessment: Did you two have sex or go all the way?”

If you’re going to ask, be direct and specific. Clarity now prevents confusion later.

6. “Why do you need to keep having conversations? Did you guys have, like, this crazy spark?”

Who Asked It: Angelique to Colt

Why It’s Bad:
This isn’t really a question; it’s a sarcastic jab disguised as curiosity. It’s emotionally charged, doesn’t allow room for honest answers, and pushes for validation instead of truth.

They may seem like legitimate questions when read, but based on how she said them and the fact that she didn’t really let Colt answer them, they come off as rhetorical: “This is how I feel, and this is what I’m thinking, and I want you to listen and then validate me” questions rather than “I want to actually know the truth, and I’m ready to hear the truth” questions.

Ultimately, these questions don’t put Colt in a comfortable or inviting position to say how he really feels, and the questions that he’s working through.

What To Ask Instead:

• “What still feels unresolved or unfinished in your dynamic with her?”

Ask to actually hear and understand – and be ready for an answer you may not want to hear.

7. “What is your body count?”

Who Asked It: Spicy Mari (to the group)

Why It’s Bad:
Listen, it makes complete sense to say this in a spicy reality show challenge – it’s funny, provocative, and entertaining – so this is no hate to Spicy Mari. But in the real world, the phrase “body count” and that question as a whole often triggers shame or judgment. The phrasing is crass, hard to weave into a respectful conversation, and rarely leads to meaningful insight.

What To Ask Instead:

• “Would you be open to sharing about your sexual history?”
• (And if needed): “Roughly how many partners have you had?”

Focus less on the number and more on how they talk about it. That’s where the truth lies.

8. “I’m curious what your type is?”

Who Asked It: Zoe to Travis

Why It’s Bad:
In theory, it’s harmless. But in practice? It opens the door to needless comparison, insecurity, and unnecessary self-doubt. Even Travis pointed out how limiting it can be, namely how it “boxes people in.”

And at the end of the day, if you’re speaking with someone in a romantic setting, they’re into you. Who cares who else they’re into or who they may be usually into? Keep the focus on you!

What To Ask Instead:

• “What are you looking for in a partner?”

Way more useful… and way less likely to make you spiral after the date.

9. “Do you see a future with me?”

Who Asked It: Basically everyone, during a challenge, prompted by Mari

Why It’s Bad:
It sounds direct, but it’s actually a high-pressure trap. Again, reality TV gold (bold, dramatic…), but not the most effective phrasing IRL. You’re forcing someone to give a yes/no answer to something that probably should be a lengthier conversation.

If you’re truly inquiring about how someone sees the relationship, it shouldn’t be a basic yes/no question, as that brings unnecessary pressure into the conversation. Especially early on. Provide a more specific yet open-ended question for what you really want to know.

What To Ask Instead:

• “What are you hoping for in this relationship?”
• “Where do you see our strengths and challenges long-term?”

Let them show you where their head’s at without making them pick a side.

10. “You’re not necessarily tied to, like, one spot? Will it be strong enough that far apart?”

Who Asked It: Colt and Angelique conversation (sorry I forget who actually asked it first, whoops)

Why It’s Bad:
It’s good to ask about location and distance, but this phrasing is clunky, passive, and carries a negative cloud. It brings anxiety to a conversation that should be about possibilities.

What To Ask Instead:

• “What would a long-distance relationship look like for you?”
• “Are you open to relocating for the right person?”

Fear-based phrasing creates fear-based responses. Ask with confidence.

11. “Would you say that you guys are both emotionally available?”

Who Asked It: Mari to Logan and Nicole V.

Why It’s Bad:
It’s super reasonable for Spicy Mari to ask this in the “Link Lowdown” scene, but it’s not something you’d want to ask on an actual date.

Of course, you want to know if someone is emotionally available, but almost no one is going to say “Nope, I’m emotionally unavailable, thanks for asking.”

Thus, this question is too surface-level, too closed-ended, and too easy to dodge; thus, it can’t assess real emotional depth or availability.

What To Ask Instead:

Skip the “emotionally available” label. Ask revealing questions instead:

• “How do you typically process conflict in relationships?”
• “What’s something you’ve learned about love in the past year?”

If you want to know if someone’s emotionally available, don’t ask them to say it – watch them show it.

12. “Do I just take that leap of faith with this man again? Or should I just protect my peace?”

Who Asked It: Kelsey to herself (the camera)

Why It’s Bad:
It seems like a healthy question to ask oneself, but look closer. It frames peace as something you protect by leaving, instead of asking whether peace is even possible in the relationship.

If you have to leap toward peace… that may not be peace. That may be ignoring red flags…

What To Ask Instead:

Process the red flags instead of framing the situation as a leap of faith:

• “Do I actually trust him and feel safe enough to continue?”

That’s the real question.

🟦Bonus: The Overuse of “You Know”

Offender(s): Pretty much everyone at some point

Why It’s a Problem:
It’s the low-key crutch of modern conversation. While usually harmless, “you know” can sneakily derail an honest connection. It seeks agreement more than truth. In dating, it sounds like:

“I mean, it’s important to be with someone who supports your financial goals, you know?”

“It’s easy to question yourself when someone pulls away, you know?”

If the date nods or says “yeah,” you may think that they feel the same, but you don’t actually have much insight into what they truly think about the important issues and values you may be bringing up.

Better Approach:
Ask, don’t assume:

“Is being with someone who supports your financial goals important to you?”
“How do you usually respond when someone pulls away?”

Final Thought

Watching Sneaky Links is fun (and chaotic), but the personal and dating questions that people ask, even in these early stages, are everything. They can reveal what you believe you deserve, what you’re afraid of,  what kind of love you’re building, and more.

So ask better. Not perfect. Just better — more open, more grounded, more you.

And if you need help knowing what to ask (and what to avoid)?
I got you: Download my free guide: 25 Subtle Yet Revealing Questions to Weed Out the F-Boys.